Still the Same Biscuits & Gravy

And in business…

In a bold advertising campaign Same Old Foods, Inc. is releasing packaging stating “Still Tastes the Same!” Either genius or crazy this campaign could result in generous bonuses or massive firings. During a press conference launching the new packaging a spokesman explained “Why stick with ordinary when we can go extraordinary? Many food companies say their products are improved. We at Same Old Foods feel our products have always tasted good enough. There is no need for improvement.”

The campaign may also be in deference to the companies preferred demographic. Aimed at ages 45 and up the company hopes to retain current customers and win over those alienated by products that are constantly changing. An inner-office proposal stated “Research shows the older generation reject change. Members of this demographic often wish ‘for the good old days'”.

Written in bright blue and red lettering to stand out against the basic white and brown background the phrase will be stamped on the entire line of prepared foods including frozen peas, biscuits and frozen chicken fried chicken with mashed potatoes and country gravy. Some industry members say the advertising will backfire and cause customers to change over to a “Now Better Tasting” product. Market analysts will be keeping a close watch on the company’s numbers. If a success it could change the way other prepared foods gain business.

“Whenever a company says something tastes better I feel like a chump for buying something that apparently tasted bad before. And if I buy it now will it taste even better in a few months or a year?” asked one Same Old Foods customer, age non-disclosed, but guessed at 59.

*Same Old Foods, Inc. does not exist. We do not believe anyone is a chump. We do not believe old people are afraid of new things. We know many old people who are always trying new things. Isn’t there always room for improvement?

Do you guys know The Onion? Do you guys remember MySpace? Well, back in the day I started a self-imposed writing exercise of posting fake Onion-like articles onto my MySpace page. The previous bit of writing is from then. Like all great writing (eye-rolling permitted) it’s turning out to be timeless. Packaged foods are still being advertised as better tasting, I still avoid buying them as soon as they do. People keep making New Year’s resolutions to better themselves. But, why? What if they’re great already or as good as they’re going to get or just better left alone. Some things, some foods, some writings, some people are classics. Classics are perfect as can be — that’s why they’re classic.

This New Year’s my resolution is to appreciate that which is already great.

Like biscuits and gravy. Not that my Eastern-born family cooked like this. Fortunately, I had friends who could introduce me to this perfect of perfect dishes. Ten-year-old me sat down to a breakfast table, saw those fluffy white biscuits set into a bowl of thick, pepper-speckled gravy and fell in love. I could write on about all of our good times spent together, but I’ll spare you the sordid details of this illicit love affair.

Buttermilk Biscuits
from Williams-Sonoma

2 cups flour
2 teaspoons sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
½ cup (1 stick) butter, chilled, cut into small pieces
1 cup buttermilk

Preheat oven to 425°.

Mix together dry ingredients. Using a pastry blender cut in butter until the mixture is like coarse meal. Add in the buttermilk and mix quickly until blended. Turn out onto a floured surface. It’s super sticky at this point, but that’s okay. Knead briefly and press out into a rectangle. Cut the rectangle in half then cut each half into four pieces so that you have 8 biscuits.

Place biscuits on an ungreased cookie sheet. Bake until golden brown, about 15 minutes.

Creamy Gravy
adapted from the blog – Homesick Texan

2 tablespoons drippings (mine came from cooking bacon, but fats like butter or vegetable oil are also used)
2 tablespoons flour
1 ½ cups milk
lots of pepper and salt

In a skillet over medium heat, whisk together fat and flour. Cook for a couple minutes. This is supposed to make a roux, but I don’t really know if I’m doing it properly. It still turns out, so simply cook for a couple minutes. Quickly whisk in milk. Reduce heat to low and cook several minutes more until thickened. I think this took about 5-8 minutes. Season well with salt and pepper.

2 thoughts on “Still the Same Biscuits & Gravy

  1. I just shouted out the door, bring home a kilo of bacon and stop at the neighbor for fresh eggs. It’s snowing again and I was up early to buy food for several days for the doggies but hadn’t seen this classic of my Grandmother up in Michigan. Well I’m on the top of the Appenines that divide Italy east ( Adriatic ) and west ( the Med ) but this made me miss up in Michigan with the fire roaring away the chill of the living room. I’ll make another set of biscuits and put the dark meat of the chicken drumsticks into the gravy as well for dinner. Thanks for the memories !! Best to your folks as to you ! Happy New Year !! garner tullis


  2. Pingback: It’s the Leftover Milk Conundrum with the Chocolate Gravy Solution « by: The Common Cook

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