Imaginary Tigers Love Imaginary Tuna Salad Sandwiches

Do you believe there are consequences?

Well, there is the idea of karma or heaven and hell.

What if we strapped an extra tank onto this
kitchen blow torch?

Giraffes and zebras lay peacefully in the grass
while elephants drank water from the lake.

None suspected that a recent nuclear spill had mutated
a herd of lions, now prowling the once peaceful savannah.

If we weren’t supposed to play with our food,
they wouldn’t make animal crackers.

Uggh, what is this? I’m not eating this. It looks like boogers.

Honey, he’s finally caught on.

No, really? Not bad.

Relax, of course it isn’t.

It’s just a fondness for a little Calvin and Hobbes reading before bed in order to scare away the monsters under the bed after sneaking in a scary movie.

If you look up recipes for vegan or fake or faux tuna salad you get something like this. However, to me, it seems more like egg salad. A search for vegan or fake or faux egg salad will get you a lot of the same recipes. In choosing to make this I wanted neither egg nor tuna salad. I did want chickpea salad. If you don’t feel like this makes much sense…you should stop thinking those thoughts and go have fun before time is up.

Chickpea Salad

1 can chickpeas
3 spoonfuls mayonnaise
2 dollops Dijon mustard
2 green onions
juice of one small lemon
pinch nutritional yeast
pinch salt
pinch black pepper
2 pinches paprika

Smash up the chickpeas. Mix in all the rest. Slather between two pieces of bread.


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