This is about living dreams and achieving desires and why this is bad. It starts: Nights are spent studying followed by days in application and cultivating talent. You smile, simper, and suffer through bad dates. You scrimp on goat cheese and save on new clothes. Whatever your dream these endeavors and sacrifices have all been worth it because now…Going to work is a joy (as close to a joy as work can be) when it’s work you love. Each day is spent with the ideal man for you (or woman if that’s your preference). Foreign countries are the setting of your adventures.
Or, perhaps, it’s dumb luck that drops the good things into your life.
Whichever the route, the point is that you have reached a destination. This is a stopping point, not the end, because what happens next is something I call the skipping moment. Life is so grand you have to skip. Skipping is dangerous. In skipping there is the moment when both feet have left the ground, when one foot has to move past another without hitting, when the ankle and knee have to support a falling body, when there could be an unseen pothole.
You can lose it all. I mentioned recently, being given an opportunity to spend large portions of my workday writing. As a temporary project the end was a guarantee – I knew this, but it didn’t feel less like a dream realized. The end doesn’t feel less like losing the dream.
What I had before the dream — which is what I have now — was a different type of achievement, so I’m not supposed to complain too much.
Sweet Pumpernickel Muffins
adapted from the back of Bob’s Red Mill Dark Organic Rye Flour bag*
1 cup filled with mostly whole wheat flour and a couple spoonfuls all-purpose flour
1 cup dark rye flour
2 tablespoons brown sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking powder
½ teaspoon baking soda
2 teaspoons caraway seeds
1 cup milk
2 tablespoons ground flax seed
3 tablespoons water
½ cup oil (canola)
Mix together the water and flax seed and set aside. By the way this is being done in order to replace one egg. In a bowl mix together the remaining dry ingredients. Beat in the milk, flax seed mixture and oil. This will be a thick batter yet don’t worry, they are properly crumbly. Grease a muffin tin. Drop spoonfuls in to each muffin cup. Bake at 400° for around 15 minutes.
At one point the recipe calls these “very special muffins.” Not to sound too critical, but that phrase almost put me off making them. It still makes me cringe. The muffins, however, are very good. Before making them I was curious and suspicious by the two tablespoons of sugar. Really what would that do? These are ever so slightly sweet. I ate all 12 by myself with various sides at all times of day. In the morning with butter and apricot jam and in the evening with sharp cheddar. They were originally made to accompany The Language of Butternut Apple Curry Soup.
*Technically these are called Rye Muffins, but I think of them as pumpernickel because that’s what I was craving at the time. Which means they were not exactly what I wanted, but they were delicious all the same.