This week my thoughts have been along the lines of quieting paranoid fears of the future. Being broke. Dying alone. Always working at a job where it feels as if a little bit of me disappears each day. Working until the day I die. Hoping that I die early because my pittance of retirement will never cover years of quality nursing home care.
This is why I drink and eat sugar. And run and slide on the laminate wood flooring in fuzzy socks instead of walking. There are people who meet their fears head on. Who don’t become overwhelmed with the paranoia. These people succeed.
This week two paths appeared at work. Both could, hopefully, offer good things. What a cliche statement. But, I can’t, just can’t be more specific at this moment. Because work people read this and I don’t want to ruin either option. I’m hoping for the GOOD things! Have I properly emphasized that work peeps?
Wouldn’t it be awesome to work with all peeps — as in the sugar marshmallow kind? I think I’m envisioning an unwritten episode of Pushing Daisies right now. Perhaps I will open a pie shop? Not being able to bring rotten fruit back from the dead sweeter than it was when first alive the overhead will, of course, be higher.
Where was I? I am not one of those people. To deal with the fears, the outbreaks of stress-induced hives, the sleepless nights, the short temper directed at whatever is unfortunate enough to be in my path I distract myself with fanciful thoughts.
Or by baking.
So last night when all the streetlights had been on for hours. When eyes were starting to droop. While still feeling full from dinner and after washing all the dishes I started pulling out the flours and the crystallized ginger.
This past weekend a friend discussed the calming effects of ginger on certain personality types. Adding a thin slice of fresh ginger to a cup of hot tea in the morning, she advised, could help set the body at balance. A person inclined towards paranoid fears could probably use a little internal balance. A chocolate and crystallized ginger scone that is more akin to a cookie is probably not what she meant. La-di-da. It made this morning better. Not the first. The first was eaten in anger after the dog felt it necessary to stand on top of the table in order to eat cat food and then the pictures just weren’t looking good. But by the second the ginger was really having the intended calming effect. The dog got to come out of his crate and the scones really shined in a second photo shoot.
All those thoughts that inspired this late night baking — they’re still there. I’ll get to them now. Or, as soon as I make that banana applesauce coffeecake with streussel topping I’ve been contemplating. Yup, as soon as that’s done. Because I am one of those people who succeeds. Who isn’t held back by their own selves. Now little elves on the other hand — those are sneaky little devils. Always nailing down toes.
What was I talking about?